The News Is Broken

The news is broken. My lovely wife and I are having our first child. It’s a lot to take in. At least, it was a few months ago.

Jess is very in tune with her body; so she knew she was with child within a few weeks. We had been actively trying, so it was no shock, but we also weren’t exactly expecting such results straight away. You hope for the best prepare for the worst and take whatever you get. Pragmatic, yes, but helpful as well.

The trying hadn’t yet been successful, though a stack of fun, and then Jess went away for the weekend. She felt different, a touch of nausea on the car trip to the coast, a feeling in her waters. Nothing really more than that but that was all she needed and she was suspicious. She abstained from the alcohol for the weekend, because she’s a trooper like that, and upon her return went off to whiz on a stick.

I do believe I was on my computer in my office when she walked out of the toilet, no wait, I was on the bed, reading perhaps. She showed me the stick and I’m not the sort of guy who memorises what all the lines mean on those many sticks but I didn’t think she’d be rushing to show me a dud result. I looked at it, because that’s what you do, and I remember smiling and being happy. Jess describes me as somewhere between a deer caught in the headlights, a deer caught in a bear trap, and a deer caught in a bear’s claw. Either way, reactions aside, something was happening. Life was growing. As was our happiness.

We walked to the store and bought another few sticks to whiz on, just because it’s fun. I didn’t get to have a go but it didn’t seem like my time. I have my whole life to urinate on snow and walls and fire hydrants this was Jess’ moment to cut loose. More sticks confirmed it, and we liked the trick, we could constantly relive the moment with a new stick, we were pregnant.

But it was too early to tell anyone. Usually you wait until the end of the first trimester, 3 months, 12 weeks, before formally announcing the news, so that left us with roughly two months to keep it under our hats. I was much better at this than someone else involved in this pregnancy, no names need be mentioned. So we waited and we researched, and we discussed many things, and we nearly burst at the seams. But now we can tell everyone, and slowly everyone is being told.

After being married I loved talking about ‘my wife’. I’d always drop it into conversation because I’m a child at heart and to sound adult was just so boss. Hearing myself referred to as a ‘husband’ also offered equal glee. Now I constantly refer to my ‘pregnant wife’, it really is as cool as it sounds. I just know I’ll become one of those parents who can only talk about his child…who am I kidding, I’ll still talk about comics and movies and LOST all the time. My poor child has decades of entertainment to stand in front of to gain my attention, pity them now. Or bask in the awesome as I expose them to Daredevil and The Empire Strikes Back and Rescue Me (all progressively at appropriate ages, of course), and I don’t care if it’s a girl, I’ll be having a little fangirl instead then.

However, I digress, the point is. We have now been able to tell people and that’s been a fun experience. It’s hard to cover everyone, and Facebook is a wonderful tool for spreading the good word, and now if you like you can follow the exploits of our pregnancy right here.

See the wife crave dehydrated mash potato.

See the baby perform seal-esque tricks of endurance and skill while still in the womb.

Hear all about the hulked out womb and the many, many naps.

Discover just how verbose and loquacious the husband can be on the topic.

Being pregnant is hard, there’s the cravings, the nausea, the cramps, the pain, the new and exotic sleeping positions, and the many mood swings through the virtue of crazy hormone levels (and yes, I don’t care how prepared you are, you can never be prepared for what mood will greet you) and there will also be fun times. The shopping for teeny tiny clothes and setting up our nursery. The quiet, reflective times as I massive the belly to stimulate brain growth (that works right?) and the even quieter times as I’m allowed to read in peace while the lady in the delicate position has her third nap for the day.

We’re aiming to look on the bright side of things, and probably not be as wordy as this usually. There’ll be more photos, a few videos, and plenty of love (awww) so stick around for the show. This is Pregnancy 2.0 for the new millennium, we make the rules.

Enjoy.